10 Things I Will NOT Miss About Japan

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And you can’t make me.

10. Feeling Illiterate

You know you should expect it, but it gets to you. Living near an American community softened this a little bit (as there are plenty of English signs around and many restaurants have English menus) but I miss being able to read anything we come across. I especially love when we find something that’s clearly a warning sign of some kind, and we have to say, “Gee, I hope that’s not important.”

9. Giant, Garbage-Eating Crows

I keep bricks on the lids of my outdoor trash cans. While this can help prevent them from blowing away when the seasonal change winds come through, mostly it’s just to keep the crows out of the garbage. That’s right. If I forget to put the brick on, crows the size of an average cat will come knock the lids off, rip the bags open, and strew trash across the driveway, the road, and the yard looking for edibles. Fun.

8. Really Low Speed Limits

Not to sound petulant, but the speed limits here are sooooo sloooow. The long travel times have sometimes discouraged us from going on longer trips – it’s going to take a really, really long time to get to the next city over if you have to go 40k/h (or about 25 mph) the whole way.

7. The Bucket Under My Sink

Have I mentioned this before? My kitchen sink does not have a garbage disposal in it – nor does it have an ordinary drain. It has a bucket:

which catches any chunks that make it down the drain. That’s right: instead of being washed away, every chunk of old spaghetti or glob of sauce or grain of rice that makes it into the sink gets washed into the basket and accumulates. This has to be cleaned out regularly, because if you forget, your sink will stop draining and nasty water full of chunks of old food will float out into your sink. The basket also has to be scrubbed and the drain the basket goes in has to be scrubbed, or else disgusting stuff starts growing there. Ick. Now, while we’re on the subject of plumbing, I won’t miss…

6. Japanese Toilets

Yeah. I’m not going to miss what Americans refer to casually as “squatty potties.” I have used them. I prefer not to. I really, really prefer not to. I’m not going to miss crossing my fingers that wherever we’ve stopped for a bathroom break will have a “Western.” Many places do…but not everywhere.

5. Seaweed as Food

You know, I’m not a fan.

4. Tiny Clothes and Shoes

I am not a small person. I am tall, I am round, and I have big feet. Each of those descriptors is pretty much the polar opposite of Japanese women. This means that of the souvenirs I am bringing back with me to the States, clothes and shoes are not included. (I do have a few pairs of socks that I’ve bought. Men’s socks. They’re a bit snug.) A few weeks ago we went to a water park, and I had to use the provided slippers to walk through one area – I felt like I was cramming my feet into a child’s dress-up shoes. When I get back, I’m going to have a ball just going shopping for clothes and shoes. Hurray!

3. The Wonderful Smell You’ve Discovered

I’m tempted to say that the Japanese tolerance for odors is higher than American. One of the downsides to all of the local, traditionally grown foods is that they seem to use more – ah – natural fertilizers. In America, that would mean manure…but there are not a lot of cows around here. I’m really not sure what they use, but it smells like sewage. In fact, you can catch whiffs of sewage smell in random places around town, for no apparent reason.

Another odor-producer is the piles of garbage on trash collection day. Generally speaking, they do not have dumpsters here. People either bring their bags of trash to a communal wire cage or stack it next to the street (with a net over it – don’t forget the crows!). Piles of loose garbage create quite a gagging stench…especially in the summer.

2. Ultra Pasteurized Milk and other Grocery Wonders

As much as I love the local produce (and Japanese candy!) I usually end up buying groceries at the base commissary. Part of this is due to factors like spacious parking and carts with child seats in them, but really it’s just because I’m familiar with the American foods…and I can read the ingredient list. The problem is, every piece of food that is not locally acquired is shipped here. To Japan. From America. For some things (cereal, dry goods) that just means that they’re old when they get here. For example, we get boxes of cereal with promotions for movies that came out 9 months ago – this stuff is not fresh. Other things you just can’t get – I haven’t seen a gallon jug or a two-liter bottle in the whole time we’ve been here. I’m not sure why, our theory is that they just don’t ship well. Our eggs are shipped from the States as well – so, just how old are they by the time we eat them? Also, the only milk available is ultra-pasteurized (and in half-gallon cartons). The expiration dates are often more than a month out, and that’s just not right. I forget – how long is milk usually good for? Worst of all, of course, is imported produce. Some of the fruits and vegetables have been on a boat for 30 days before hitting the shelves at the commissary. Blech. No wonder the local fruit tastes so much better!

1. Being So Far From Home

I miss living in America. I miss being able to see my family. Since we’ve been in Japan, I’ve missed birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, weddings, births…my mom still hasn’t met the twins, and their birthday is next month! I miss being able to call family from my cell phone in the middle of the day. I miss having the option to go see family for Christmas or Thanksgiving. It’s been a long two and a half years…and I’m ready to come home.

They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Haha!

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Tomorrow.

(Which is Monday here, for those of you wondering, ‘Why are the movers coming on a Sunday?’)

So, tomorrow they will come pack, and Tuesday they will come pack, and Wednesday they will load everything but our suitcases and hopefully some toilet paper onto the truck and take it away. Then, we get to spend a week in our house using paper plates and sleeping on loaner beds before we get to move into the temporary base lodging. We will spend a few days there, and then off we fly – out of Japan, likely never to return.

We’re starting a new “Life Chapter” with this move. I don’t know whether I’ve mentioned it (have I mentioned it?) but Greg is getting out of the military, so we’ve got a lot of fun ahead of us as he heads off to motorcycle mechanic school and tries to find a job that can support 6 people at the same time. As soon as we get settled down in Arizona, I’m going to start crocheting and knitting a lot more, because I want to try and actually make some money off of it to help support us. So, at least that should be more entertaining for those of you who still show up here, wondering if I’ll ever feature yarn again.

On a related note (a life change and “we’re gonna be poor” note, not a “yarn” note), I’ve opened up a Zazzle store! It’s Japanese themed – I’ve been thinking about Japan a lot lately – and includes some photographs that I’ve taken here, as well as lovely old Japanese art and photographs. If you feel like it, go buy something! If you don’t feel like buying anything but you feel like being friendly, go look at it and poke around. ‘Like’ it on Stumbleupon (I’ve already added the storefront and a few of the designs so you won’t even have to discover it.) Apparently the more pageviews my designs get, the higher they go in the search rankings so that people who are searching for “samurai shirts”

or a “geisha mug”

or a “Japanese demon poster”

might actually see my stuff instead of the other 10,000 products that would come up with those searches. (If you have a Zazzle account, you could also rate or comment on my products. That would be great.)

At any rate – this week is going to be killer, and not in a good way. I can’t wait for it to be over.

10 Things I Didn’t Realize I Would Love About Japan, Part 2

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To continue. (Missed part one? Read it here!)

5. Fireworks!

Let me ask you something: when was the last time you saw some fireworks? The 4th of July? (Non-American readers…some other day?) Well, that’s not too long ago. Okay, so when was the last time you shot off some fireworks? I know that for some of you the answer will be ‘never,’ while others of you will once again answer…the 4th of July. (Still others of you will respond that you actually have a box of Roman Candles in the garage you’ve been meaning to shoot off, and thanks for the reminder!)

Here in Japan, they never met an occasion that couldn’t be improved with some fireworks. Fireworks shows for the festivals? Check. Fireworks shows for the holidays? Check. Fireworks because it’s…Tuesday? Eh, why not? Now, (as I previously mentioned) I was raised in the Midwest, where fireworks regulations are fairly loose and nonrestrictive. We used to shoot off our own fireworks in July…I remember one year when a Roman Candle tipped over and started shooting fireballs into the neighbor’s cornfield – oops. Even so, I’ve never lived in a place where fireworks were so common and casually used. When’s the last time you said, “Oh, we’re having a barbecue this weekend – let’s pick up a bag of fireworks,” or “We’re headed to the beach, let’s pick up some fireworks,” or “Max wants fireworks for after the birthday cake,” or “Hey, it stopped raining, want to shoot off some bottle rockets?”

In Japan, it seems, there’s no wrong time – or place – for fireworks. I’ve seen kids lighting fireworks along a busy street at 5 pm on a Wednesday, and often we’ll be sitting in our living room and look up at some unexpected thumping only to see a full professional fireworks display taking place right outside our window. It’s good, lighthearted fun and I’m going to miss picking up fireworks in the 100 yen store right across from the water guns.

No, really.

4. Sweet Sweets

Forget American sweets that please the palate by bulldozing piles of sugar across your tongue. Japanese sweets are still sweet to the taste, but they’re made with a little more creativity and variety instead of just piles of sugar. Crepes seem to be a national favorite – they even have these divine confections at Baskin Robbins! (And, in case you were wondering, those are not real crepes in the window. It’s fake food, meant to represent their menu. They’re very convincing! …And yes, those crepes in the second row have slices of cheesecake on them. Yum.)

You know, the Japanese people think that American desserts are way too sweet. Every year the military base has community fundraisers, and one of the most popular items to sell to the Japanese is cake. It’s just regular, cake mix cake – with no frosting. They don’t like the frosting, because it’s far too sweet. Having all of these treats that have more flavors to them than just SWEET has been something of a revelation.

Oh! I am going to miss that patisserie!

3. Kawaii!!!

If you know Japan, you know that kawaii – cute – stuff is everywhere. On buildings. On buses. On clothes, toys, erasers, food, television, construction equipment and even on high voltage warning signs. Let me ask you, have you ever seen an excavator painted to look like a giraffe? Or a bus shaped like a puppy?

See those newspapers? They’re provided after the checkout to wrap your fragile purchases for the ride home. (First of all – is it just me, or do they not have that in America? They’re so nice.) Somebody at the store arranged them into hearts, and takes the time to keep them that way. Why, you may ask? Kawaii desu!

Of course, it doesn’t hurt matters that because of this, my – ahem – adorable children are exclaimed over everywhere we go. As a mom who has to drag a (frequently misbehaving) mob around, it’s so nice to feel that people are pleased and excited to see us. I may be fuzzy, but I seem to remember that in America, other people’s children are mostly ignored or avoided in public. Here all the cashiers and the salesladies smile and try to get the boys to talk to them, and even in random public places people are likely to stop and say hello. Since the twins were born, we sometimes have to almost peel people off the stroller at festivals. Sure, a lot of that is because they’re all blue-eyed Americans, but I’ve seen how Japanese children are treated in public and it is much the same. They love ‘cute!’

2. Gardens, Gardens, Everywhere

This one was a surprise to me – I remember when we moved here, I thought of Japan as a very urban place. People crammed together in skyscrapers, concrete everywhere, cramped conditions and tiny accommodations. Now, I’m not going to pretend that all of those preconceptions were false. Even out here in rural Japan, where there is much more room than in – say – Tokyo, houses are very small and yards are even smaller. We had a friend who lived in a house that was smaller than our living room. With three other people! What has amazed me, though, is that no matter how small or sad their tiny patch of earth outside their house may be…

It will be filled with green and growing plants. Forget flat, sterile lawns covered in 2″ blades of grass. Around the houses here you’ll find flowering cherry trees, blossoming hydrangeas, daffodils, tulips, marigolds, wisteria, rose of sharon, and more! Even the little yard of my rental house here has hydrangeas, tulips, two small pine trees, and a patch of a beautiful purple flower that I love so much I wish I knew what it was so I can plant it back in the States. (Do you recognize it?)

Even places where there is no earth to plant in, ornamental plants find their way around.

And you know what? I’ve never seen any of those planters stolen or vandalized. Weird.

1. Slow Food

Hmm, how do I explain this one? Well, I guess it started when we first went out to eat at a local restaurant. We ordered our food and we waited – and waited, and waited, and waited…and waited. We complained to each other about how long it took to get our food, but as soon as we took the first bite we shut up, because it was incredible. “Wow,” we said to ourselves. “This is a really good restaurant.”

Imagine our surprise when we had a similar experience at the next restaurant we tried – and the next one. Even at McDonald’s – yes, they have them here – the service is ‘slow’ (albeit faster than at a ‘sit-down’ restaurant) and the food is amazing. McDonald’s was almost the most impressive of the lot, because we knew what the food ‘should’ taste like, and somehow it tasted so much better than that. The conclusion that we have come to after our time here is that it’s just a question of time. Instead of being premade and kept warm or reheated when ordered, the food is made fresh when it is ordered. Instead of assembling the order as quickly as possible to get it out the window, they take time to assemble it properly. It’s a running joke in America that the food you get at the drive-thru window is nothing like the picture you ordered from – just imagine if each time you ordered you got food that looked and tasted exactly like the advertised picture suggested. Let me tell you, it’s amazing. Have you ever had fries or fried chicken that has only been out of the oil seconds before it reaches your plate? Aside from being finger-scorching, it tastes wonderful.

So, let me ask you something: if ten or fifteen minutes is the difference between forgettable and unbelievably delicious, why are we so unwilling to wait?

And another thing. In America, we learn to shop for large quantities of cheap food. In Japan, that isn’t the culture at all. Sure, there are cheap treats – but they’re small. And, you can get a lot of food – for a price. I suspect that the pricing more closely reflects the actual cost of food without subsidies and undercutting foreign competition. (Although…I really have to wonder about the $30 cantaloupe.) Instead of trucking the cheapest possible produce from places where it can be grown industrially, produce is grown locally by small farmers (like the ones who work the field out our window). Japan takes care to protect its farmers. In the US this would be seen as ‘unfair’ by the people who want the most for the cheapest, but having seen it in action I have to say I think they have something here. There is an unconscious assumption that foreign produce is inferior to Japanese produce, and given the quality of the fruits and vegetables I’ve seen, they may have something there. Protections on price and competition have allowed them to focus on quality instead of quantity. Take those strawberries (above). They’re about the size of a quarter. When’s the last time you saw such small strawberries in your supermarket? But they are the most fragrant, flavorful, wonderful, delicious strawberries I have ever had in my life. Sigh. They too, will be missed.

Pictured: $40 steak. Worth it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’ve gained a new perspective on our food here, and it’s been really eye-opening. We’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to have a little really good food than to have a lot of mediocre food. You may think that’s obvious, but it wasn’t to us. I really, truly hope that we can keep that perspective when we get back to the States, and let it inform our eating habits for the rest of our lives.

Ahh, Japan. How I’ll miss you.

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